Firstly, i’d like to clarify that my grammar hasn’t taken a hideous turn for the worse, its a lyric from a Faithless song called ‘Insomnia’ - a song rather aptly named as I am writing this post at silly o’clock in the morning.
Secondly, referring to the Faithless song was probably a bit of a rookie mistake, as if you know the song (or have clicked on the link) know its a bit of a dancey number, and i’m now bopping about in an attempted dance-type fashion as I type. Oops.
I’ve written about my Insomnia in the past, but after a recent brief spell (okay, one night) a few weeks ago of perfect sleep, I have since found myself plagued with broken hours and hours of anxiety.
Okay, so compared to most, I am pretty lucky. I work for myself, so if I find myself with a fancy for writing at 3am, it really isn’t the end of the world. But it doesn’t make it (as a condition) any easier to live with.
Life becomes…hazy. You find yourself in a blurry purgatory of, well, not quite anything at all really. Minutes merge into hours, hours into night after night, into more and more nothingness, with that nothingness merging into a longing. A longing for an unbroken, unanxious, unknown night of actual sleep.
After my recent visit to my new Doctor, I did, again, mention my Insomnia. My first visit years ago resulted in a “well, you just kinda have to live with it” response from my GP. Always reassuring to hear. And since them, I really have tried.
I hoped amongst the other incompetencies my previous surgery held, this misguidance was just another to add to their extensive list.
Apparently, I was wrong.
“There really is nothing we can do” , she said, rather matter of factly. “Nothing at all”.
At this point, my eyes welled up and my heart fell with a thud to the floor.
It doesn’t seem feasible, nor fair.
Now, I’ve tried all the usual suspects. Herbal tablets, counter tablets, cutting out caffeine, not napping, napping when I could, even exercising to excess (at one point cycling 40/50 miles a day. Every day. If you can’t sleep after that there really is something wrong).
So now, I’m turning to you guys. Surely, surely this can’t be the case. That we’re all expected to wile away the hours until we can watch the sunrise and know the whole wretched never ending cycle begins again once more.
So, if you have insomnia, my lovely readers, I’d love to know….
What exactly do you do?
Do you just ‘live with it’ like the NHS suggest? Or is it just (I hope) that the PCT (Primary Care Trust) in my area are a let down of epic proportions?
I must ask at this point…please… PLEASE don’t suggest anything… “obvious”. I appreciate the sentiment (ish), as I’m sure a lot of people do. But for people like me, its not really all that helpful.
So let me know and comment below!
Who knows, one of you might have the answer i’ve been looking for. Or if like me, its silly-o-clock in the morning and you’re a bit bored, it might at least give you something to do for a minute or two….!